Date men from United States / California / Brisbane, 41 year old

Date a soulmate from California, United States. First and foremost I am always a gentleman. I am the guy you would like to take home to Mom because I'm a little old fashion. But, you might think twice about introducing me to your Dad. Since no good deed goes unpunished, I will always give more than I take. I am not a turtle herder, cross country bowler, cat rustler, aspiring amateur tattoo artist, perspective circular reasoning PhD or competitive lettuce shredder. I love what I do but that is hardly who I am. I am in great shape but unintentionally. I was born with a silver spoon in my mouth but have been so poor I couldn't pay attention. So, I had all the advantages growing up but in a way I am self made man. I am successful but it isn't my fault. I believe indecision and poor planning are the keys to flexibility. Me sMArteReSt to know that whenever everyone agrees with me that I must be wrong, and, that no woman in this day and age should ever be expected to be happy with any man who insists on treating her as if she were just perfectly ordinary. I am not stupid enough to want to be a woman’s first love as I know women are smart enough to like to be a man’s last romance. I believe that too much repetition is from the department of redundancy department so like clockwork I am spontaneous and impromptu. I have beaten the best but more importantly have found humility and happiness among the weakest. As I know only dull people are brilliant at breakfast, I drink my espresso from the Holy Grail but eat my daily meals with the simplest spoon and bowl. Most importantly and at all times, I try to keep two glasses and a bottle of champagne nearby for when the occasion arises to toast my adversaries and morn my victories.
I have been told that from time to time that I can be sarcastic. I try to always be myself as everyone else has been already taken. The only thing better than my outstanding wit and incredible mojo, is my all encompassing and all powerful humility. I certainly don't mind nice things but I am not so into blind consumption. Consumption with sight is fine. Labels, fads and marketing mean nothing to me as I see those things as transient and being disposable. I am pulled to more permanent things and, all the joy that emotional bonds and experiences can bring. To me, simplicity is happiness and less is more, unless it is friendships or family. I can never have too much of my Niece’s hugs or Dog’s company.
How do I write in a self deprecating, humorous manner with false humility that I’m obviously far and away the best catch on match.com, er eHarmony, um, whatever site this is? I’m looking for the comparable to when a potential employer asks a candidate for their biggest weakness and gets the “I care too much” response. I rented a yacht and some orphans for a photo but it didn’t take. Wait; is this my out loud voice?
My ideal match has empathy and love for all living creatures and a complete disdain for the (insert any nationality or culture for the punch line). Someone that sees the beauty in all of life and has a great sense of humor. “For it was not into my ear you whispered, but into my heart. It was to experience not my lips you kissed, but my soul.” It would really help if you are distinct or exceptional in some way. I would like to experience the woman that makes me want to be a better man or just someone that doesn't email me typo corrections. Romance is what Madison Avenue is selling and it is perfect. What I am doing is much more fun. I am not looking for someone because of their looks, clothes, or for their fancy things, but because they sing a song only I can hear.