Date women from United States / California / Menlo Park, 32 year old

Date a woman from United States. What's with the evasive answers for "My Profession". Simple question begets simple answer.
If I were a list-making type of girl, my ideal guy is:
-my bff 1st. I have to feel very comfortable around you, like you. By "like you", I mean you are:
-HILARIOUS, WITTY. I make you laugh, you make me double-over. That's when the sparks fly.
-PATIENT, Kind, Thoughtful (not just to me or when I'm looking but esp to the cleaning crew and cafeteria ppl)
-FLEXIBLE, easygoing--and did I already say funny-- guys are numero uno.
-Brilliant. I'm a sucker for PhD/"nerd"-types (way before it became uber-hip)
-possesses fine verbal agility but not in an unctuous, Eddie Haskell-like way
-Handy around the house b/c I always say guys are good for 3 things: opening jars, reaching high shelves, moving heavy boxes
-Big NO-NOs: tempers, petulance, acerbic sarcasm, passive-aggression, unreliability, or deceit (oh yes, omissions of truth are indeed lies).
-As for looks: Is it just me or are you leery when people describe themselves as "attractive"?
Shouldn't we be the judge, provided you avoid posting pics that are distant, blurry, of pets, your wearing shades, or your riding a burro while sporting a big sombrero? This is in case I need to pick you out of a lineup.
-Personality and character trump this, but admittedly, looks tend to capture the eye before the heart. Never fear b/c the catch-up is soon thereafter.
-Overall, A HEART OF GOLD which supersedes brain, wit, financial success but no complaints if you're the whole dealio.
Now the Good, the Bad, and the Ugly about me:
-Never into the bar/club scene. I'm just not big on loud or crowds.
-I'm more traditional than at first glance: guys take initiative, be sweetly persistent (not stalkeresque) and have insight.
It's clear if I'm interested. And trust me, when I find the right person, he/ will want for nothing.
-A minimalist, sustainable life, sadly teetering on the edge of being a slob a.k.a. a dude.
-I love the Colts, esp #18 (ok, so now I'm a Bronco fan), cooking, batting cages. I'm more adrenaline junkie than bystander.
-Done it: Sky-diving, bungee jumping, ziplining
-Love it: farmers mkts, all things Aloha, SCUBA diving, hiking, camping, CLIMBING(!), biking around the beach, gardening, snowboarding (need to do more)
-Can't wait to: paraglide, learn to play the guitar (that's me w/ my 1st acoustic during my 1st lesson), plant fruit trees, clay shooting
-In short, I'm a blob of walking, talking contradictions. I've always gravitated toward older people (I was born old) who are patient, generous, considerate, and just an overall positive influence. I could certainly use some tweaking.
-I'm more eccentric than exciting but fortunately, many find my idiosyncrasies and non-mainstream style both appealing and endearing.
*Photos: Hair grew back after I donated 12" of my tresses to Locks of Love, a prgm that makes wigs for children who lost theirs to, e.g., chemo, burns. I first donated 17" (picture a reject version of Pocahontas) but witness: me, a purple dress, a month after the whack job (Mother's Day/graduation).
* There's a huge discord between why you fellas and I are on Match.com. You can only hide your DSM-IV criteria for so long. What's with the poor coping skills, e.g., stomping your feet, picking up your toys, and going home in a huff?
-So sorry, I'm not Burger King. You can't have it your way.