Date women from United States / California / Los Banos, 44 year old

Date a soulmate from California, United States. About me? Well…..
My entire life has always been PERFECT with no past relationships whatsoever. Don’t know whose kids these are but they are definitely not MY “baggage”. (Whew! Good thing!)
I have no brain of my own....but that's ok because you're not into conversation, right? My body is absolutely perfect because somehow at 44 I am every bit as fit as a 22-year-old. Oh, and I have the brains and life experience to match, which makes me SO interesting. Original thoughts are highly overrated.
As for looks? DonРІР‚в„ўt worry, guys. IРІР‚в„ўm blonde, mute, no teeth and waist high with a flat head so you have a place to set your drink.
My Ideal Match? Well….
NEVER tell the truth. Neanderthal manners are a big plus, and I hope you drink cheap beer and boxed wine hourly and smoke like a chimney. I also hope you can't compose a coherent sentence, because that would mean you can read and that is SUCH a turn-off. Employment is another turn-off too. Sounds like you might have a work ethic. That is, like, sooooo ICKY. And remember, exaggeration isnРІР‚в„ўt lying. I mean, if you once read a book about astrophysics that is TOTALLY the same as earning the degree!
Be sure to try and remodel me. I love being told what to do and I will be SO much more interesting if we are clones of each other!
I hope you have no friends who can operate a camera. I'd really rather see a cell phone picture you took of yourself in the men's room -- with your shirt off. Or better yet, take the pic on your webcam with monitor lighting so you look like a creeper in some old lady's basement. That's just what I want around the kids. Don't be physically fit, either. Heart attacks are SO much fun and that extra 70 pounds with get things started nicely! But hey, you can still check the “athletic and toned” box on your profile…I’ll never notice the difference! (Three chins is “average”, right?)
Most of all, I hope you’re only a “Christian” as a box to check on the form here. I wouldn’t want you to actually have values, morals, or a belief in something bigger than yourself. I mean, really…There is NOTHING more important than you! And all that do-unto-others, caring-for-your-fellow-man stuff is such a waste of time. Those Christians are all hypocrites anyway. Not YOU, though. You are completely genuine. Especially in your profile. Always. Let’s take a “long walk on the beach” and talk about it.
The perfect first date…
Quick hook up? Sure! You bet. I'm totally that kind of girl. I mean, really...who needs to set an example for the kids anyway. Hey, IРІР‚в„ўm over 40 so IРІР‚в„ўm desperate.
(And if you’re still reading this, hopefully you know I’m just kidding. Maybe you should send me an email and I’ll tell you what I’m REALLY like. I’m not normally quite so acerbic. Well, maybe a little…every now and then)
Seriously, if you are a grownup and you'd like to meet a grown-up woman who appreciates you for who you are...not who she'd like you to be...drop me a line and let's chat. There really are women out there who are intelligent, kind, caring, loving, and FUN. But if youРІР‚в„ўre not ready to be OFF the internet, please keep looking! Best of luck to you in your search!
(And yes, of course I have more pictures...and yes, I am reasonably fit and height-weight proportionate. But you have NO idea what kind of emails a gal gets from all over when a lot of pics are up on this site. So, I am happy to send some once we've chatted if you are a non-stalker, non-creepy guy.)