Date men from United States / California / Redlands, 33 year old

Date a soulmate from California, United States. My friends would describe me as funny at times, I can also be serious when i need to be. I smile at weird things sometimes, like life. I can be a pain in the arse sometimes too. I am just looking for someone that can deal with me over all.

Meet a man from California, United States. So why am I on Match.com?
Three main reasons.
1. My ankle bracelet precludes me from leaving my house.
2. I've totally exhausted the supply of women who live near me.
3. I don't have the muscle control to 'wink' on my own.
Do you need help opening that pickle jar? Can't quite reach that object on top of the fridge? Look no further -- you have found your match. Like most guys, I probably think I'm funnier and better looking than I actually am. I'd like to find someone who is clever, witty, and sarcastic enough to put me in my place.
I'm also looking for someone who is honest, smart and funny. I enjoy exploring and I think that there are some really cool things to do around here. If you also partake in hiking, basketball, tennis, or camping(or would like to), perhaps we have something in common. I also get a kick out of cooking and eating out. This is a really open ended question, so I'll stop before I go way out of bounds.
I haven't dated much and I work from a home office. I've never been a part of 'My Face Space Book' or any of that stuff and do not enjoy advertising myself.
Other than that, this looks great and I can't wait to meet you.

Date single man from California, United States. Bored Beyond Belief.
INT. APARTMENT - NIGHT
A fairly handsome man in his early sits and ponders the existence of life.
After surviving ups and downs decides maybe he should give the internet dating thing a try.
He pulls his laptop close, opens a bottle of wine, lights a cigar and starts typing.
What comes out is nonsense and more nonsense. He wishes he didn't have to fill out the self summary section.
You can see on his face as he is writing this that he feels constrained by this format.
LUCAS
(Voice over)
However, I write this it only looks like showing
off, which is the idiots version of being interesting.
What are the chances of this sort of thing working?
He goes back to his cigar, his glass of wine, and turns on one of his favorite movies, High Fidelity.
LUCAS
(Voice over)
I guess it's time for some John Cusack.
FADE OUT.