Date single man from Biscoe, United States. Breathe in, вЂњWho am I?вЂќ
Breathe out, вЂњDonвЂ™t know.вЂќ
Sounds very Zen, in a very obvious, ridiculous sort of way. I need more вЂ?donвЂ™t knowвЂ™ just to balance all of the вЂ?think I knowвЂ™. There has always been this fascination with trying to understand the strange but marvelous gift of life, as manifested in every form. The question seeks a static answer. I am no one and everything, I am fluid and fleeting, I am beyond my comprehension.
But who am I? Away from the esoteric rhetoric, what do I generally see in the mirror of self-reflection?
DonвЂ™t know or donвЂ™t want to know?
I am a convoluted composite of all I have been exposed to, I am a conglomerate of influences encountered, I am a juxtaposition of ideas and notions imbedded from childhood on through today. I am unquestioned heritage with assumed prejudices, blindly addicted to misery. While not exactly a product of the environment I was raised in, I am a reflection of what I observed & experienced.
I am an evolutionary experiment, an expression of life with genetic predispositions and biological responses encoded. I am mind and body. I am progeny, susceptible at the moment of creation to the random characteristics of imperfect DNA.
I am kinetic energy and a catalyst. I am animated matter. I am cause and effect. I am a subject of quantum mechanics. I am a possibility explored.
I have always been more adept at listening but life presents us with challenges and opportunities to reach beyond what we have know, beyond our comfort zone. I have led an eventful life and while not all has been pleasant I have been blessed, both in the lessons I have been presented with and in the gifts I have been endowed with.
I am a deeply spiritual person with some non-traditional beliefs, I am a Buddhist with strong influences from many different religions. I believe in a higher power, a being of wisdom and love, who resides within each of us and in all matter around us, throughout all of nature there exists streams of energy that bind humanity and nature to one another. We are stewards, caretakers, of this earth and not the plunders and rapists we have become, we have so much to learn from even the smallest of creations yet we are far too often blinded by our worship of technology and our pursuit of science.
Truth is my highest aim for only in truth can I know myself - can I be myself. I believe I am flawed by choice and not by predestination; the vast majority of religions speak of mankindвЂ™s fall from grace and this has come to be an excuse for our continual living in pride and selfishness. A choice was given to humanity, to each of us, to live in service with the natural rhythms and cycles to govern us or to serve our own personal lusts and greed for power; as long as I choose to live within myself I will serve pride but if I learn to release my free will I might exist within a greater harmony and would be truly free for the first time.
I know I am accountable for my own actions regardless of what someone else does; when I react, I act out of fear and pain and without regard for those I touch but when I act, I see beyond my insecurities and am able to show compassion and respect to all I encounter. There are so many times when my reaction is based not upon what just occurred but rather is tied to events and traumas from my past I have foolishly tried to forget. I will repeat my past in a subconscious attempt to change the outcome until I accept my past and allow the emotions to pass through me. I want to be able to hear and see the pain of another when they act out towards me instead of feeling threatened myself. I want to own each and every emotion without judging one as healthy and another as unhealthy, realizing that emotions are inherently neither evil or good.